:: 8:24 PM by Anonymous
S.E.R.I.O.U.S.
The last time we had a section talk was last week or last last, yes. In that talk, i did mention about the softness and the unplayablity of our section, but it seemed that most of you, come in from one ear, go out from another. No, it's suppose to stay inside whether you like it or not. You all gave me the smiley face, but i really meant what i said that day and it took me very long to write it all down. But you all, just didn't want to listen uh. I said that there wasn't any fareha feliciatan feliciatoh alif for you to hide behind anymore. Did you all forget that already? So, i wrote another one, yesterday, the day before band camp. I put in alot of effort in this okay, it's like 8pages, A5 sized.
Recap of today. And i really wish you all won't forget, like you all did.
Firstly, the sec1s told me that our section is soft, and we talk alot without doing any work, and obviously, very slack. As you all can see, even the sec1s are able to give me such an answer, what about you guys? Think about it lah!
As i went on with i had to say:
Ask youselves, have you all ever thought about band everyday? I confirm, no right? Well, for some of us, yes we do. Everyday, everynight, every minute, every second. And have you guys thought about our section? Have you all done your part? Esp. SL of the section.
Yes, you all are tired. I know that. But i need to ask you, who isn't? Have you all thought about the people who made the effort to do stuffs? Everytime i came up with a solution, i tell you all to do it, why aren't you all doing it? Why? Do you all hate me so much that you just have to do the opposite? You think it's so easy being the pp? Why don't you all be the pp then?
(PS/ today, i was talking to sihui. Guess what she told me? "You have no right to pump me." And so, i asked, you sure i can't? And i asked again, who has the right? She told me, jingrong. Is this really true? I'm just nothing in the section, nothing. I asked her, "who is the sl?" she told me jonard, i asked for the pp, she tell me she doesn't know.)
You know, when fareha feliciatan feliciatoh alif were still here, clarinet section is one of the best section and we're rarely scolded and pointed out by mrchew. Now, what has our section come to? We can never go home one practice without being pointed out. Have you all asked yourselves, why is this so? Do you all really want the section to fall under your hands? Stop being selfish and play can, do you all know how hard it is to keep up to mr chew's standard alone? It's impossible cause he wants 5 people to sound like freaking 10 people. I, alone, cant.
After the seniors stepped down, i ask you all to come back for sections almost everyday. Everyday, i'm given all sorts of excuses. You all are busy, but so am I! But I put aside everything for you guys, yet you all stood me up, again and again. I never had a full sectionals, what is this!? You think you all have the ability to play up to mrchew's standard? No, even myself. So why aren't you all coming back for sectionals when i've already wanted to come and teach you guys?! You guys can't always think " Jiaying will be there to cover for us lah, jiaying will go louder if someone complains lah, jiaying will teach us lah. " STOP BEING SELFISH LAH. Do you know, after every song, i'm left there sweating and fighting for air? Do you all know how freaking hard it is? To keep pushing myself over my limits, time again and again? Why can't you all do that? I've already wanted to teach you all, but ask yourselves, who's going to teach jiaying? You know, when mrchew go bar by bar, that's the only time i learn. Under the eyes of him, and if i made mistakes, i get scolded. I wanted to teach you all nicely, is this how you all repay me? You all know, for all your mistakes, i get blamed? Do you all know for all your actions, im answerable?
Do you all know that before the seniors stepped down, i used to be the jiaying who can't play loud? Now, i think i'm pretty loud. Do you all know that i never know how to count? I have no sense of rhythm. Now, i'm forced to tap my foot very hard and count, play. I get leg cramps you know, ask youselves, HOW MANY OF YOU ACTUALLY TAP YOUR FEET? I can dare say 2-3 of you. When i count out the bars for you, why are you all still late?
What have you all been doing?
That day where i didn't come, what happened? You all think i don't know? Yes, i know, i received sms from all parts of band room. Saying that my section didn't tap their feet, didn't count, didn't this didn't that. Saying that my section can't be heard. I know, i tell you all, i know. Although im sick, i'm constantly worried for you all at home and i can't have a good rest. Can't i even have a proper rest when i'm sick? Reflect lah.
Let me just tell this straight to you, some of you DEPROVED instead of IMPROVING. Why is this so? Do you know how other people look at me? I'm just a so-so player, so it's alright if jiaying is not here. Why the heck do i work my ass off for you guys? Why, im not even appreciated. In the end, i still get scolded, blamed for. Is it worth it? I used to think that yes, i believed in all of you. Now, i think it's not worth it anymore. It's tiring, it's burning me out okay.
When i asked you all not to breathe there, to sustain full value? I EXPECT IT TO BE DONE. I don't just say it for fun. It is because it's a phrase there, and it can't be break. I don't want my words to be fallen on deaf ears again. (but you all STILL breathe there, and NOT sustain full. WHY?!) You all may say you're out of air, SO AM I. But i push myself, why can't you all push yourselves too? Stop being freaking selfish!
You know, i have my limits too..
(end of section talk)
Jonard commented that you all should stop staying with your own clique and hang around more with others.
And jingrong said. ( the words in red, is what i want to say. )
She didn't cry because she didn't do her best, she did her best.
I need to ask you, if you said you did your best, why is it that you're deproving instead of improving? Why is it that you can't play even the basic bandology? Why is it that you're crying, if you did your best, you'd be like amira, me who didn't cry at all. Cause we know, we did our very best.
She says she often lock herself up in the room to practice.
All of us lock ourselves up in the room. Our family members also says it's noisy. I once heard that a senior locked herself in the cupboard of her room cause her mother was you know.
She say she often can't go out with her friends because she has band.
WE ALL have band, WE ALL have the same schedule. WE ALL can't go out. You think WE ALL don't want to go out, with our friends?
She says her friends always ask her why everytime band.
She says she hopes her friends understand.
Have you ask yourself, why do you need to come back for extra practice, why don't hidayah need to come as often?
She says she don't have time for her brothers and sisters.
You think we have? We come for longer hours than you. We practice longer, and therefore, we have lesser time. What right do you have to complain?
She says she's happier in dance than in band.
Ask yourself, why? Cause you don't open up to people.
She says she wants to come for sectionals, but can't.
Why, once again. Ask yourself.
She says that she prays everynight.
You can't pray that you'll do well without putting in effort, it'll NEVER happen. You can't pray that you'll get 100/100 for amath when you didn't study one bit. It's IMPOSSIBLE. Wake up.
After this, we went back to band.
Mr chew scolded a running passage. 2nds, and 3rds, hello. Jonard, i rest my case he just came back for a few practices, but hello 2nds. MR CHEW ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU ALL ARE FREAKING SEC1S PLAYING. Wake up already please. It's just a Eflat, even a sec1 know that! DO I HAVE TO TEACH YOU ALL? Mr chew say go louder, i only hear jonard making the effort. HELLO SENIORS, jonard just came back, you can't rely on him. GO LOUDER, and i still see no effort made to go louder. PLEASE LA, i shouted across and still no effort made. What is this? The whole band staring at you and you still make no effort. After that, he went on to the answering phrase, the starting is freaking soft, and the answering phrase is x100 louder. Why, ask yourselves. It's 3 people vs me and amira yet the volume differ so much. And let me just say, why didn't you all tap your feet when you don't know how to play that. If you tap, it'll come to you. Now that jonard went to play 3rd, the 2nds don't seem to exist again, once more. Now, you think, do you have the right to say what you said just now. And mr chew don't blame you all for that, he blames me. Sec1s, when he asked you all to play along, play along. I reminded you all and yet, you all still didn't play along. I can't remind you always, i have to play also. And when im given 1minute to talk to you all, WHY ARE ALL OF YOU DOING YOUR OWN STUFFS? I'M FREAKING SHOUTING MY LUNGS OUT AND YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE AIR?! I counted the bars to your runs, and you all still cant be heard, late. Seniors, i think, before you all teach your sec1s, get your own stuffs right first. It may be mean, but it'll harm the sec1s instead.
When we're tuning, to jingrong, i didn't say next note. Why did you go to the next note yourself? You not even in tune yet. Like that, might as well don't tune right.
time and time again, i feel like storming away, throwing away the responsiblities i have.
Cause i look back and see, what a section i have.